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Hilarious Signs Found Only In Texas

Second-Hand Vegetarian​

In case you haven’t realized, Texans like their meat. Being a vegetarian in this state is not only unheard of (outside of the major cities), but it's something to be ashamed of – or at least something to make fun of.

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We all know the talk about “secondhand smoke” and “secondhand clothes.” Well, the enterprising sign maker above applied the same logic to vegetarianism. Instead of eating the grass directly, they eat the cows that eat the grass. Is it safer or more harmful?
 
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Collecting Rain​

You will understand just how proficient this recycled rain gauge is when living in areas that deal with dust. Not your average dust, but entire seasons consisting of nothing but dust, dust, and more dust. In other words, “everything’s bigger in Texas” dust.

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Texas has its fair share of places like that – places like Dalhart, Spearman, and Amarillo that were devastated by the 1930s Dust Bowl. Nowadays, it’s more likely to be the deserts that need all the “rain gauges” they can muster.
 

Saying It As It Is​

In Texas, there is no sugar-coating. “What you see is what you get” as they say in the computer software world. The Laredo sign below is a great example of that attitude. Rather than overselling a place to newcomers, they tell it like it is.

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The local Laredoans don’t have the time or energy to mess around with fantasies about how their town is. Instead, they let you know that everyone knows everyone and the weather goes from high to low without any warning.
 

No Holding Back​

The small town of Alpine, Texas was a little uncomfortable with its low population. However, getting tons of new people to flock in is hard. Instead, they decided to fudge the numbers a bit to create the hilarious sign below.

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Sure it might not pass muster with the math geeks at the census bureau, but it does give a little insight into the humor of the town. Once you add up the establishment date, elevation, population, and zip code, you get a thriving town!
 

Jedi Mind Tricks?​

We’re not sure what to make of the sign below. One way to view it is that they’re separate signs for businesses that share the same space. To the left is the psychic, and to the right is the karate school.

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However, another way to read it is that “Psychic Karate” is one offer in one room. That’s far more exciting! What does “psychic karate” even entail? We’re not sure, but we imagine it’s useful for defending against unwanted spirits.
 

Taco Trouble​

Not everything that’s cheap is good. Anyone who has eaten gas station tacos can tell you that – sure, you’ll get full for a few dollars, but you’ll end up spending the rest of the day on the toilet. Is it worth the opportunity cost?

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Saint Dane’s bar above knew they were competing with that, so they decided to tell customers why they were different. Yes, their tacos are only a buck, but that doesn’t mean they look like cat food. Your taste buds (and your insides) will thank you for it later!
 

It's Too Late To Apologize​

Not every person (or every person) is full of confidence. It can take years to develop if it’s ever fully developed. In the meantime, some businesses (like the one below) found a witty way to acknowledge that and use it to bring in the customers.

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Most of us are used to “Sorry, We’re Closed” signs, but how often have we seen the opposite? Well, if you’re near the Magnolia Cafe South in Texas, then you’re in luck because that’s the bright shiny sign they use to advertise the place.
 

Bridging The Gap​

This sign leaves us with two main questions. First, what bridge? To be fair, the bridge is probably a little way down the road. If that’s the case, then we blame the photographer. Either way, we hope there’s enough space for a truck to stop.

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The second question is “why is “the” missing?” We’re fans of good writing, and this sign is missing an essential word – “the.” Instead of “you’ll hit the bridge,” the sign maker made “you’ll hit bridge.” Was it simply to save space?
 

Straight To The Chase​

If you’ll excuse a tasteless pun, then there’s no beating around the bush here. If you want hair removal while in Texas, then we’ve got just the spot for you (take a look below).

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The clever phone number is sure to stick in the brains of hairy drivers. Once they get home, they’re sure to give it a call. Either that or check out the website. In no time, you’ll be on your way to being smooth as a baby’s bottom.
 

Pee At Your Own Risk​

This is one clever, tactful, and funny way to discuss a real issue. For swimmers who share a common pool, a major source of concern is when you notice a warm spot or a change in color while swimming.

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This usually signals that someone has peed in the pool. Now in the wide-open ocean, it might be ok. However, in a small pool shared by dozens of strangers, peeing is not cool. As the sign says, keep the “P” out of the “ool.”
 
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