Funny quotes

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Friendship is like peeing on yourself: everyone can see it, but only you get the warm feeling that it brings.

 

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The man who smiles when things go wrong has thought of someone to blame it on. - Robert Bloch

 

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Time is a great teacher, but unfortunately it kills all its pupils ... - Louis Hector Berlioz

 

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It's true that we don't know what we've got until we lose it, but it's also true that we don't know what we've been missing until it arrives.

 

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Never take life seriously. Nobody gets out alive anyway.

 

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I told my wife that a husband is like a fine wine; he gets better with age. The next day, she locked me in the cellar.

 

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Girls are like phones. We love to be held, talked too but if you press the wrong button you'll be disconnected!

 

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The average woman would rather have beauty than brains, because the average man can see better than he can think.

 

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There are no stupi.d questions, just stupi.d people.

 

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When I die, I want to go peacefully like my Grandfather did, in his sleep -- not screaming, like the passengers in his car.