Today's Quote..

[Jijan]

:: Cermin Mata ::

Seorang lelaki telah pergi ke klinik mata. Setelah di periksa, dia bertanya kepada doktor tu..."doktor, lepas memakai cermin mata nanti, bolehkah saya membaca??" doktor menjawab, "Dah tentu". Lelaki tu membalas "oh.. gembiranya saya, dah lama saya buta huruf, akhirnya bole juga saya membaca" kata lelaki tu dengan riang......

:badgrin: :badgrin: :badgrin:

 

[immhezlin]

A first-grade teacher, Ms Neelam (Age 28) was having trouble with one of her students.

The teacher asked, "Boy, what is your problem?"

Boy answered, "I'm too smart for the first-grade. My sister is in the
third-grade and I'm smarter than she is! I think I should be in the third-grade too!"

Ms Neelam had enough. She took Boy to the principal's office. While Boy waited in the outer office, the teacher explained to the principal what the situation was. The principal told Ms Neelam he would give the boy a test and if he failed to answer any of his questions he was to go back to the first-grade and behave. She agreed. Boy was brought in and the conditions were explained to him and he agreed to take the test.

Principal: "What is 3 x 3?"
Boy: "9".

Principal: "What is 6 x 6?"
Boy: "36".

And so it went with every question the principal thought a third-grade
should know.

The principal looks at Ms Neelam and tells her, "I think Boy can go to the third-grade."

Ms Neelam says to the principal, "I have some of my own questions
Can I ask him ?" The principal and Boy both agree.

Ms Neelam asks, "What does a cow have four of that I have only two of?
Boy, after a moment: Legs.

Ms Neelam: "What is in your pants that you have but I do not have?"
Boy: Pockets.

Ms Neelam: What starts with a C and ends with a T, is hairy, oval, delicious and contains thin whitish liquid?
Boy: Coconut

Ms Neelam: What goes in hard and pink then comes out soft And sticky?

The principal's eyes open really wide and before he could stop the answer, Boy was taking charge.
Boy: Bubblegum

Ms Neelam: What does a man do standing up, a woman does sitting down
and a dog does on three legs? The principal's eyes open really wide and
before he could stop the answer...
Boy: Shake hands

Ms Neelam: Now I will ask some "Who am I" sort of questions, okay?
Boy: Yep!!

Ms Neelam: You stick your poles inside me. You tie me down to get me up. I get wet before you do.
Boy: Tent

Ms Neelam: A finger goes in me. You fiddle with mewhen you're bored.
The best man always has me first.The Principal was looking restless, a bit
tense and took one large Patiala Vodka peg.
Boy: Wedding Ring

Ms Neelam: I come in many sizes. When I'm not well, I drip. When you
blow me, you feel good.
Boy: Nose

Ms Neelam: I have a stiff shaft. My tip penetrates. I come with a quiver.
Boy: Arrow

Ms Neelam: What word starts with a 'F' and ends in 'K' that means lot
of heat and excitement?
Boy: Firetruck

Ms Neelam: What word starts with a 'F' and ends in 'K' & if u dont get it u
have to use ur hand.
Boy: Fork

Ms Neelam: What is it that all men have one of it's longer on some men
than on others, the pope doesn't use his and a man gives it to his wife
after they're married?
Boy: SURNAME

Ms Neelam: What part of the man has no bone but has muscles, has lots
of veins, like pumping, & is responsible for making love ?
Boy: HEART.

The principal breathed a sigh of relief and said to the teacher, "Send this
Boy. to Delhi University, I got the last ten questions wrong myself!"

 

[the_bloodmage]

I've Got Everything ...

A married couple is driving down the interstate doing 55 mph. The husband is behind the wheel. His wife looks over at him and says, "Honey, I know we've been married for 15 years, but, I want a divorce."

The husband says nothing but slowly increases speed to 60 mph.

She then says, "I don't want you to try to talk me out of it, because I've been having an affair with your best friend, and he's a much better lover than you."

Again the husband stays quiet and just speeds up as his anger increases.

She says, "I want the house." Again the husband speeds up, and now is doing 70 mph.

She says, "I want the kids, too."

The husband just keeps driving faster, and faster, now he's up to 80 mph.

She says, "I want the car, the checking account, and all the credit cards, too."

The husband slowly starts to veer toward a bridge overpass piling, as she says, "Is there anything you want?"

The husband says, "No, I've got everything I need."

She asks, "What's that?"

The husband replies just before they hit the wall at 90 mph, "I've got
the airbag!"

 

[zaniey]

lama x de citer baru thread ni....
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Al-kisah ni t'jadi 10 thn yg dulu,di s'buah kampung dimana tinggal la sepsg suami isteri yg sgt romantiknyer..

si suami berasal dr kelantan manakala si isterinyer pulak berasal dr terengganu...nk dijdkn crita,pd suatu ptg dikala suami isteri ni sedang berehat sambil menikmati hidangn ptg..si isterinyer tibe2 mjerit!!! abanggggg!!!... knapo saye?tnye sisuami kpd si isteri... lipanggggg jwb si isteri....si suami pun ckp katok..katok..si isteri yg bingung ngan si suaminyer itu ckp bukanggg lipangggg...si suaminyer ckp lagi katokkkk.. katokkkk.... katokkkla!!!si isteri yg mrh ngn suaminyer yg xtau bezakn yg mana satu lipan ngn katak ni pun..mjerit skuat2 hatinyer lipanggggla bengongggggg!! hoo la katok...katokkla tu....katok la...katok....jwb si suami mjwb...bakpela abg ni,,,lipanggg ckp katak bengong btul!!!

suami: ho la saye bakpo demo tok katok ja lipe tu,tgk abe doh keno gigit doh ni!!! waaaaaaaa.....

akhirnyer si suami tpakse di hntr ke spital sbb dgigit oleh lipan tsebut!..
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:-D sape x paham citer ni YM aku..ekekeke

 

[kasturi]

mulakan kesegaran pd pagi Ahad ni....

A man and his wife were getting a divorce at a local court, but the custody of their children posed a problem. The mother jumped to her feet and protested to the judge that since she had brought the children into the world, she should retain custody of them.

The man also wanted custody of his children. After a long moment of silence, the man rose from the chair & replied: "Judge, when I put a dollar into a vending machine, and a Pepsi comes out, does the Pepsi belong to me or to the machine?"
Don't laugh -- the man won!

 

[qreemall]

ni bkn quote nih...
ni lawak of the day nih...
)