Maestro
Legendary Member
- Messages
- 12,263
- Joined
- Nov 11, 2009
- Messages
- 12,263
- Reaction score
- 4,538
- Points
- 261
Part 1
Q. What is the difference between a woman and a washing machine?
A. You can bung your load in a washing machine and it won't call you a week later.
Q. What did the elephant say to the naked man?
A. "How do you breath through something so small?"
Q. What's worse than getting raped by Jack the Ripper?
A. Getting fingered by Captain Hook.
Q. What did the banana say to the vibrator?
A. Why are you shaking? She's going to eat me!
Q. What would happen if the Pilgrims had killed cats instead of turkeys?
A. We'd eat pussy every Thanksgiving.
Q. What's the difference between love and herpes?
A. Love doesn't last forever
Q. How do you make your girlfriend scream while you're having sex?
A. Phone her and tell her.
Q. What's the difference between a 40 year-old man, and a 40 year-old woman?
A. A 40 year-old woman dreams of having children, a 40 year-old man dreams of dating them.
Q. So how is your marriage with Miss Right?
A. I didn't know her first name was "Always."
Q. Why is psychoanalysis quicker for men than for women?
A. When it's time to go back to his childhood, he's already there
Q. How do you know when your cat's done cleaning himself?
A. It's smoking a cigarette.
Q. Did you hear about the constipated mathematician?
A. He worked it out with a pencil.
Q. Three words to ruin a man's ego...
A. "Is it in?
Q. How do you know when you are getting old?
A. When you start having dry dreams and wet farts.
Q. Why don't little girls fart?
A. Because they don't get assholes until they're married.
Q. What does bungee jumping and hookers have in common?
A. They both cost a hundred bucks and if the rubber breaks, you're screwed.
Q. How are a lawyer and a prostitute different?
A. The prostitute stops ******* you after you're dead.
Q. How do you get a nun pregnant?
A. Dress her up as an altar boy and send her to the priest.
Q. What is the difference between a woman and a washing machine?
A. You can bung your load in a washing machine and it won't call you a week later.
Q. What did the elephant say to the naked man?
A. "How do you breath through something so small?"
Q. What's worse than getting raped by Jack the Ripper?
A. Getting fingered by Captain Hook.
Q. What did the banana say to the vibrator?
A. Why are you shaking? She's going to eat me!
Q. What would happen if the Pilgrims had killed cats instead of turkeys?
A. We'd eat pussy every Thanksgiving.
Q. What's the difference between love and herpes?
A. Love doesn't last forever
Q. How do you make your girlfriend scream while you're having sex?
A. Phone her and tell her.
Q. What's the difference between a 40 year-old man, and a 40 year-old woman?
A. A 40 year-old woman dreams of having children, a 40 year-old man dreams of dating them.
Q. So how is your marriage with Miss Right?
A. I didn't know her first name was "Always."
Q. Why is psychoanalysis quicker for men than for women?
A. When it's time to go back to his childhood, he's already there
Q. How do you know when your cat's done cleaning himself?
A. It's smoking a cigarette.
Q. Did you hear about the constipated mathematician?
A. He worked it out with a pencil.
Q. Three words to ruin a man's ego...
A. "Is it in?
Q. How do you know when you are getting old?
A. When you start having dry dreams and wet farts.
Q. Why don't little girls fart?
A. Because they don't get assholes until they're married.
Q. What does bungee jumping and hookers have in common?
A. They both cost a hundred bucks and if the rubber breaks, you're screwed.
Q. How are a lawyer and a prostitute different?
A. The prostitute stops ******* you after you're dead.
Q. How do you get a nun pregnant?
A. Dress her up as an altar boy and send her to the priest.
