Dumb criminals

[eboss]

Never bring a toy gun to a bat fight.

A man who tried to rob a store with a fake gun was chased off by a clerk with a very real cricket bat, according to the AP.

The man tried to rob the store with a toy gun, but luckily the clerk had the only cricket bat in the entire state of Alabama.

The suspect spotted the bat and worried that he was going to be spanked, he took off without any money and was later arrested.

 

[eboss]

I’ve never understood the concept of hitchhiking as something other than a last resort. I don’t like it when people I know ride in my car. Why would I want a stranger who smells like he hasn’t bathed since the last Great Depression?

One bank robber got a ride from the scene of his crime by a police detective, according to the AP.

He robbed the bank, then flagged down a ride from an undercover cop and asked him to take him home. I hope the officer was nice enough to drive him home.

Here’s an important question: why did he need a ride? Why didn’t he have a getaway vehicle? He must drive a Pontiac. Walking across a busy highway is a more dependable form of transportation.

 

[eboss]

Fire and crime go together like Legos and Oreos. If a suspect uses it, it’s bound to attract attention.

That’s a lesson that one crook learned when he set fire to his car before committing a hold up in an attempt to destroy any forensic evidence that might led police to him, according to the London Telegraph.

The fire initially attracted attention to the scene and police caught the man with a stolen cash box just a few blocks from the scene. He reportedly also planned to set the cash on fire to remove any more forensic evidence.

Fire officials extinguished the car and took it away to examine it for (wait for it) forensic evidence. Good thing the hold-up man thought ahead

 

[eboss]

There is nothing wrong with being undeterred by your goal. But there is a fine line between determined and demented. It’s also a very zig-zaggy line and the demented side is located over the gravity-heavy end of a large cliff.

A man who stole money from a bank that was doused with explosive dye still tried to deposit it at another bank, according to the Chicago Tribune.

The dye pack within one of the bags of money exploded making it more traceable than Amy Winehouse’s vodka stench.

He tried to deposit the cash in his account, but police tracked him down. He actually tried two banks before stopping at the drive-thru window of a third to deposit the money. He would have made off with more if he sold the dye at his local Sherwin Williams store.

 

[eboss]

Gas prices are going up again and that can only mean one thing – more gas station robberies.

Unfortunately, these two burglaries forgot to steal some gas along with their loot and ended up getting busted in the process, according to the AP.

They robbed a convenience store at knife-point and drove away from the scene, but failed to notice that the gas gauge was right on empty. I’m guessing that’s not the only thing they have failed at in their lives.

Police spotted them approximately a mile away from the gas station where they could have filled up on gas before they fled the scene. Something tells me they were empty to begin with.

 

[eboss]

This has happened so many times, I’m starting to wonder if the human race is doomed to be overtaken. Not by monkeys, by rocks.

A bank robber was caught because he blogged about his crimes on MySpace, according to the AP.

The message read, “On tha run for robbin a bank Love all of yall.” It’s a good thing they also didn’t see his Facebook page. He put “just robbed a bank” on the top of his “25 Things You Don’t Know About Me” list.

He pled guilty in court to the charge and faces time in jail where he could get twittered by another inmate.

 

[eboss]

People who drive with their car radios turned up so loud that they can cause minor earthquakes shouldn’t be allowed to do so. In this case, I’ll make an exception.

A bank robber was caught because he fled the scene in a car with his radio cranked to the maximum volume, according to the Reading Eagle.

The suspect robbed the bank, then sped past a police cruiser with his stereo blaring from the windows making it the first time a suspect provided the police with his own APB.

A chase ensued. The suspect crashed his car and managed to climb out of the window before the officer tackled him. He then asked him to turn his stereo down.

 

[eboss]

Crooks leaving their personal information at the scene of their crimes has happened time and time again. So imagine my surprise when one of them actually remembered not to leave it AND still got caught.

One man who robbed a bank actually left his information at the scene, then tried to break back in to get it before the police arrived, according to the News & Observer.

The man robbed the bank while it was open and made off with $20,000 in cash. But along the way, he realized he left a notebook at the bank that contained some personal information. I’ll bet one of them was “Pants first, THEN shoes.”

So when he tried to go back to the bank to remove the papers, the bank was closed and he had to break-in to get them. Police responded to the call and found some bank papers the man had filled out that contained his name and address. Something tells them they were filled out in crayon.

 

[eboss]

It’s amazing the number of things that can be turned into weapons. Rocks, rubber bands, live animals, small children who haven’t been fed for several hours. Now, we can include our former friend, the banana.

A teenager tried to rob a store armed with nothing more than a banana, according to the AP.

The suspect held the banana under his shirt and claimed it was a gun. The clerk, however, jumped up and lucky for him, the banana was not loaded.

The store clerks held him down and waited for police to arrive. As they waited, the suspect ate the banana. Fortunately, police were able to take the peel in as evidence. Of all the blasted luck! If only he had tried to rob the store with a kiwi, nature’s least incriminating fruit.

 

[eboss]

Why do so many suspects leave behind personal information at the scene of their crimes? It’s the same thing as going to the police department, telling them the crime you committed and leaving your name and phone number with their secretary on one of those pink “While You Were Out” sheets.

One suspect left behind a personal notebook at the scene of their crime, according to the Neshoba Democrat.

In this case, the robber in question robbed a woman of her purse in a church. So either this guy was really ****** or karma does exist.

The man entered the church with a basket of clothing he wanted to donate, but he left it behind at the scene with a personal notebook on top of it. The notebook had his name written on the cover. The only way this could have been sweeter is if police discovered his name because he had written it on his underwear.