Dlm bahasa ingeris tapi sedih weiii. Raya sebatang kara dia tulis
Soul Fasting on Aidilfitri
As Ramadhan approaches its end, the joyous sentiment that surrounds the celebration of Hari Raya Aidilfitri envelopes the local Muslim community.
Aside from Ramadhan’s significance of willpower overcoming daylight hunger and restraining some of our worldly appetites and excesses, the dawn of Syawal marks a significant point for many, as the celebration usually denotes a family reunion or gathering.
The culture of “balik kampong” for Hari Raya Aidilfitri is well entrenched in our country – for most, a Hari Raya without returning to one’s hometown, would simply be a non-starter.
And a part of what usually makes this ritual of returning to one’s hometown or family home meaningful is the homeward visit to one’s parents or grandparents – aside from being reunited with one’s siblings.
Since Mum passed on in 2004, Aidilfitri has not been the same for me. There’s only one thing worse than being yatim piatu – it’s being an old bujang lapok yatim piatu – and this is especially felt during Aidilfitri.
Mum made all the Aidilfitris in my life special.
I remember how she used to rise early on the first Syawal morning to prepare her delicious nasi dagang, ayam rendang, her divine nasi impit and kuah kacang for the family.
How she would fuss over the family house, looking spotlessly clean and elegant to receive visitors and for my infamous annual open houses too.
How she would mock annoyance at my insistence on her helping me out with the tying of my kain sampin – as I would insist that she help me out, because this was Raya ritual for me and if I cared to admit it, it made me feel closer to her.
I never realized it but Mum was the central core that held my siblings and I, together. We were never close on Aidilfitri, it was our love for her that made us converge in the family home, as opposed to my siblings rushing off directly to the homes of their in-laws.
After she passed on, my Aidilfitris have been deafeningly quiet – usually spent alone in my condominium.
My siblings (and their families) have predictably chosen to spend their Aidilfitris with their in-laws, the only form of parents they have left. And I realize that even though the hunger fasting in Ramadhan has ended, the thirst I feel still continues into Syawal.
My solitary welcoming of Syawal (albeit, cushioned by the presence of well-meaning friends) means that my soul is still fasting, hungry and craving – for love, for family, for a place called home and a sense of belonging.
But fasting teaches us to appreciate the things that we tend to take for granted and things that others may have had to do without.
And even though my Aidilfitris are pretty dreary now, it makes me appreciate better, happier Aidilfitris in the past and in future. For who knows better the joy of quenching thirst than the person who can hardly drink?
To all those more fortunate than me, who are celebrating with family members – count your blessings and savour every moment of it.
SHAH ALAM: Beberapa artikel di dalam blog mimpipari.blogspot.com dikemukakan sebagai eksibit dalam prosiding bicara kematian Ketua Pegawai Eksekutif (CEO) Cradle Fund Sdn Bhd, Nazrin Hassan, di sini, hari ini.
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Beberapa artikel di dalam blog mimpipari.blogspot.com dikemukakan sebagai eksibit dalam prosiding bicara kematian Ketua Pegawai Eksekutif (CEO) Cradle Fund Sdn Bhd, Nazrin Hassan, di sini, hari ini.
Isi kandungan empat artikel bahasa Inggeris itu, didakwa pihak pembelaan sebagai tulisan Nazrin turut dibacakan peguam bela semua tertuduh, Tan Sri Muhammad Shafee Abdullah di hadapan Hakim Datuk Ab Karim Ab Rahman.
Antara isi kandungan blog itu adalah luahan kekecewaan Nazrin terhadap ‘abang’ yang didakwa pihak pembelaan sebagai merujuk kepada saksi ke-18, yang juga abang Nazrin, Dr Abdul Aziz Hassan.
Melalui artikel berkenaan, penulis meluahkan rasa kecewa terhadap ‘abang’ yang dianggapnya sebagai hero dalam keluarga.
Penulis turut melahirkan rasa kesal dengan tindakan ‘abang’ yang didakwanya menjual harta pusaka keluarga selain kecewa dengan beberapa lagi tindakan lelaki berkenaan.
“Ibu meninggal dunia pada tahun ini (2004) dan setiap minggu sebelum meninggal, ibu bertanya bila hartanya akan dipulangkan oleh abang.
“Malah, dua minggu sebelum meninggal dunia, dia (ibu) mengungkit perkara itu namun dia akhirnya meninggal dunia tanpa hajatnya tertunai,” kata Mohamad Shafee.
Ketika Muhammad Shafee membaca isi kandungan artikel berkenaan, Timbalan Pendakwa Raya Datuk Salim [email protected]membantah atas alasan ia tidak baik jika dibacakan kepada semua di mahkamah.
Ab Karim kemudian membuat keputusan supaya Abdul Aziz membaca terlebih dahulu dokumen itu dan jika bersetuju, Muhammad Shafee boleh meneruskan pembacaan.
Dalam sesi soal balas hari ini, Abdul Aziz mengakui hubungannya dengan Nazrin tidak baik sehingga 2007.
Saksi juga menjawab berkemungkinan individu yang dirujuk sebagai ‘abang’ itu juga adalah dirinya.
Terus dapat blog nie, sedey nya mak oi “He was the golden child of the family - his mother's favourite. And yet, at the end of her life, he still broke her heart with his actions”
The Burden of Blood
He was the golden child of the family - his mother's favourite. And yet, at the end of her life, he still broke her heart with his actions.
He always liked acting like a rich fellow - but he's drowning in financial debts, yet unrepentant.
Sometimes, he would take loans under the name of others - and yet not pay the loans - and cause severe hardship to others.
He projects himself as a religious fellow, a Syariah legal expert and goes to the Holy Land for the Umrah every year and several times for the Hajj - but he has forged signatures, embezzled the property of others (including his own mother's) without remorse and regret.
He would insist that he has no money to pay his loans - and yet spend lavishly on himself and his own family - and would willingly let others suffer the consequences of his actions. And he blames everything that happens to him on circumstances - the banks, the economy, the business partners - but never himself.
I've been the victims of his actions several times - too many times. I've even forked out money to settle one of his loans under my name.
And many times, his mistakes have cost me dearly - unknowingly to many people, I've had to live a lifestyle that's significantly below my capacity, because of the burden that he has inconsiderately shouldered upon me. Even though my own financial prudence and standing, is sterling.
I've had to suffer in relative silence - sometimes, giving silly excuses to others, which just makes me look plain bad, as a man. Or perceived to be plain broke - even when I'm not.
And many times, I have found the space to still forgive him.
I keep hoping for change, I keep waiting for remorse and God forbid, an apology for all the hurt and detriment that he had caused to my life.
I keep waiting for a clue - that maybe he does give a damn about what he has done to me.
After 6 years, I think my patience has finally found its limit. And I find myself, unable to forgive any further. I feel stupid, both past and present.
I thank God that Mum is not alive to see him turn into this selfish hypocrite who does not give a damn about anyone else and simply does not take responsibility for his actions. He is for all intents and purposes - financially reckless - and seemingly unashamed of it.
As the Malay saying of that contemptuous lifestyle - "biar papa, asal bergaya" - it is the ugliest of Malay traits, other than hasad dengki.
Once again and for the final time - I shall pick up the heavy burden of settling his loan under my name, so that it will not trouble me again in the future.
Enough is enough - after this, he would have lost my respect as not only a younger brother, but also as a human being.
And I hope he obtains God's forgiveness for his utter disregard of me - because he will not have mine, until he changes for the better. And God help him, should he die the same awful person that he is right now. I will never forgive and I remember everything.
Blood is not always thicker than water. And even in families, love and respect must be continously earned - it is not due by birthright.
Today - you have lost me, Abang.
But don't worry, you will not notice - because you've never valued anything that's important, anyway - just the things that make you look distinguished and wealthy, in society's eyes.